Friday, September 26, 2008

Here today, stolen tomorrow

There won't be any photos on here for a while, mainly -- okay, completely -- because I got my camera stolen this week. Right out of my apartment, along with my laptop, my new phone (which hadn't been activated and was still in the FedEx box), two things I was supposed to send for BookMooch, and a bunch of coins. A bunch of coins! They came in thru the window for a bunch of coins.

At first I thought it was all the high school kids who hang out in the back yard, but that bunch of coins made me think this was a "professional" job.

A professional ass clown.

I've got renter's insurance, thank god, but it still means I lost that computer with all the stuff on it, plus photos I'll never get back, and I have to go without a phone for several days because the…never mind, this crap is boring. Let's just say it's weird to think of someone in my apartment -- and even weirder that I wasn't able to tell for a couple hours after getting home. And then slowly figuring out things are missing for the next couple days.

I guess it could be worse. David Letterman could be chewing me out for canceling an interview to rush off to save the country but really because he got a better offer from Katie Couric.

Also, Wonkette says that McCain ruined the bailout deal, so it must be true. When will the "mainstream" media get it together to tell people what's really happening?

And lastly, my college pal Tim sent me something saying that "Palin is a 'Post Turtle.'"

Explanation? "When you're driving down a country road you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle.' You know she didn't get up there by herself, she doesn't belong up there, and she doesn't know what to do while she's up there, and you just wonder what kind of dummy put her up there to begin with."

Need an example? Check out this snippet of gibberish from the Katie Couric interview.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Haikus for you

Hey, do you love haikus as much as the next person (if the next person is a haiku lover)? Well, I wrote haikus about the artists at Treasure Island and put them up on my blog, and then the Weekly did too. Now you can compare and see whose is better (mine mentions cocksucking, if that helps).

If you're like me and you're growing ever more nervous about the upcoming election (and I haven't even seen this movie about voter fraud yet), then maybe this NY Times article about a recent poll will put your mind at ease (a little). Obama's got more white women voting for him (and/or against Palin/McCain) than Kerry did. That's got to be good, right? Or gooder.

Thanks to Tim, I joined BookMooch this week. Basically, you put books you want and ones you are willing to part with up online and then people request them or send them to you. So far, I've sent 12 books and gotten none, but, um, I'm on a first name basis with my post office guy. And I'm sure any day now someone will want to part with their copy of The Other Hollywood: The Uncensored Oral History of the Porn Film Industry.

How did the Rebel Reading Series go, you ask? Good! I really wowed them, especially the part about fountains of blood pouring from a gal's pooper. That's a knee slapper. Well, I'll also be reading at Litquake's LitCrawl next month, so maybe you'll get another chance to hear it. Most likely, however, I'll be reading from my Young Adult novel in progress. Sorry, kids, no anal bleeding in there.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Going Off

It takes longer to get there now. It didn't used to, but now it's like the mountain has gotten a lot taller.

I'm talking about getting in the show zone. I used to have a beer or two and then I would be right there, pumping my fist or nodding my head or hopping around. But the body just doesn't respond like it used to.

I thought it was the fault of the Fillmore, at first. April and I went to see Balkan Beat Box there this week, and they came out energized and the audience -- full of dreadlocked white guys, Burning Man circus types, horny sextegenarians, and clean-cut college boys -- was pumped.

But it took until the last song for me to relax and really get into the music. Why so long? Then I remembered that it had happened there before: LCD Soundsystem, Sleater-Kinney, both had rabid audiences, and both left me slightly cold. (Then again, Stereolab was awesome on the Cobra Phases tour.) But I think it's just me: I need more booze to get me relaxed and ready these days. Anyone else like this? Is it a matter of physiology or experience or just too much self-consciousness?

Speaking of relaxed and ready, I'll be reading about group sex at the Knock-Out tonight, as part of April's Rebel Reading Series. The lovely Hiya wrote this nice preview.

I think I go on (or off!) early.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Those Nutty Republicans!

It's that time of year. Or rather that time of every four years, when the Republicans (and occasionally the Dems) make me very very mad. With their lying and prevaricating (what does that mean, ack, I'm too lazy to look it up). Dear God, do they ever know how to rally round the flag (or terrorist strike or hopelessly unprepared Soccer Pitbull). So much crap to spew, so little time. And the "liberal media" stands by and lets it happen. When John Stewart is the only one asking the hard questions, we have a serious problem. Watch here as he lays out the many hypocrises of the Repub leadership. Or where he points out that Sarah Palin has more executive experience than any candidate, including John McCain, and Eye of Newt Gingrich goes, "Exactly!" Then there's Samantha Bee's report from the convention floor, in which she tries to get delegates to use the word "choice" to describe Palin's daughter's baby dilemma. Looks like the one woman's head will explode if she speaks the word at one point.

At least we don't have Rudy "Dispeptic Venom Spitter" Giuliani as nominee. And Mike Huckabee seems like a nice guy -- shame about those awful politics. But can someone please stick a muzzle on Karl Rove? Or maybe a nice pair of prison grays?

You know how Wonkette started calling McCain "Walnuts" ages ago, because of his disturbingly distended cheeks?

Well, maybe they should use "No Nuts" for Palin.


I take it back. She's not hot. She's scary. I leave the last line to Conan O'Brien. "She said she's a life-long member of the National Rifle Association. Which may explain why she's in favor of shotgun weddings."