Where's Pitt the Elder when you need him?

Argh, I didn't think this election could possibly make me more aggravated than 2000 or 2004, but here it is, ulcer time. Just when you start to get polls saying Obama's taking surprising leads in swing states like Florida, Colorado, and Nevada or getting a double-digit lead with young voters, Hispanics, and independents, you get freaky polls saying McCain is pulling even. And then you have McCain pulling the ultimate "I'll say it before you so you can't say it" ploy: Saying that Obama will do anything to win. My god, if that isn't true of McCain, I don't know what is.

Take, for instance, this crap about Obama's tax plan being socialist. Forget the fact that it helps the working class more than hurting them. The Daily Show offered a clip from 2000 in which McCain himself says that he believes when you reach a certain level of income it's good to pay a bit more.

Then there's McCain's own ACORN business, in which he's hired a Republican who's known for defrauding voters.

And Palin's running around in campaign clothes that cost $150,000. With that money Joe the Plumber could buy himself a mighty big snake.

One other bone to pick: McCain has this thing on his web site where you can make your own Joe the Whatever sign, and they'll supposedly send them to you. I sent in these:

I am Karl Rove the lying scumbag.
I am Sarah the homophobic zealot.
I am McCain the Bush suck up.
I am not hornswoggled by the Palin winking.

But for some reason, they didn't send them to me.

People keep saying I'm being an alarmist when I suggest that even if Obama wins we're going to have absolute chaos on our hands. Then someone goes and kills a bear and stabs it full of Obama signs, and people start to believe me.

Just when you think there can't be anyone dumber or eviler in office than Sarah Palin, along comes Michele Bachmann. John S. says that the only reason she got elected in the fine state of Minnesota is that she's from a district where there aren't many people and most of them are super rich. Hey, maybe she's never heard of McCarthyism. At least she spurred former GOP Governor Arne Carlson to endorse Obama.

Yes, I'm in need of cheering up. That's why I'm glad Kathleen sent me BoyBama (make sure you watch until the kid's ice rink breakdown).

And then there's this dance-off between the two (or three?) candidates. Badonkadonk.

Maybe we should just go back to voting with beans. Or stabbing each other on the way to the polls.